My Yo-yo Baby

Sometimes I sit on the floor and just let my son walk hither and yon around me. At 15 months, he's walking really well and seems to enjoy every minute of it. One of his favorite destinations in our home is the side panel on our front door where he can look out at the world outside. Back and forth, he would go. To the door to peer out for a few seconds, his nose and hands flat on the glass. Then back again to me, for a hug, a smile or simply to touch base. It reminds me of a time many years ago.

I was at a friend's house. She had 2 sons, the youngest being 4 years old at that time. As we talked, her little son came in from playing, said "Mama", gave her a hug and went off again to his adventures as fast as his legs could carry him. And I remember saying, "How wonderful to be a mom just like that someday".

That "someday" is now today. I have my very own yoyo baby. I am my son's safe haven. He may get interested in the workings of the world outside but always he returns to me. I know it will not last long, as his wanderings will take him further and further away. But for now, he returns, for a warm hug and a smile, even as his tiny steps waggle this way and that. And my arms will always be open to welcome him from his adventures at the front door.

Blogging mommy

When I told my friends about my blogs, a couple of them made a comment that they're about motherhood issues. On one hand, there's nothing wrong with that. On the other, it struck close to a fear I will confess to as a SAHM... that of losing myself to motherhood. Whereas I used to be a "graduate student", "teacher", "research assistant", even "lab rat", am I now "just a mommy"?

I'm aware of the risk of losing my identity other than as someone's mom or wife. So I try to do other things not related to providing meals and clean clothes all day. I read a variety of books. I keep up with current events worldwide. I scrapbook. I blog. But somehow, that may all still get lost in that one overriding identity. MOMMY. And a stay-at-home mommy at that. Although I will not trade what I now have to get back those other "titles", I know I still have to get completely comfortable in this new role.

Maybe I need to blog about something else? But I don't really want to. I have another passion, which I'll write about someday. But for now, a blogging mommy is what I'll happily be.

Glossary

I now have a site glossary, which my dear hubby suggested to help readers keep track of the acronyms I sometimes use in my post. It's located on the right-side panel, after the Google ads. It will be updated as needed.

The grass is greener, or is it?

I had to laugh when I read this article by Kristi Gustafson in the Casper Star Tribune. The title of the article is "Working moms, stay-at-home moms envy each other". It was like an answer to what I wrote in a previous post, about SAHM's wondering whether WOTH moms have it better, and vice versa. Apparently, there are a lot of similarities:

Experts say the stresses of motherhood are further complicated by a common belief among women that other mothers are better off financially, have well-behaved children, stronger marriages and look more put together. But they are more alike than they may think.

As I said before, it's human nature. Frankly, I'm a little relieved that I'm not the only one who doesn't have it all "put together", stay-at-home or not.

Check out my new blogs!

I have a new blog that went live on the internet just this week. Say hello to The Housekeeping and Homemaking Blog! This blog chronicles my hunt for the best tips, advice, and resources on housekeeping and homemaking.

I also contribute to The Kids' Books, Toys and Things Blog. It is a group blog that brings you reviews and recommendations on childrens' books, toys and things.

These blogs are part of Aboutweblogs.com, a network that offers "personal views, tips, news, reviews and other resources about different niche topics. Our focus is on passions, personal growth and lifestyles". Other topics on the network include scrapbooking, stamping, making money online, Asian food, genetics and public health, freelance writing, jewelry making, and more!

I look forward to having you visit me there!

Career Issues: Science and Motherhood

Ruth sent me this article written by Virginia Gewin for Nature discussing the effect of motherhood on a woman’s career in science. Coming from a scientific background myself, I can concur with the points Ms. Gewin raised. I have seen and experienced the choices women in the academe have to make between career development and childbearing. Some telling statistics:

...in the United States most women sacrifice the career. Although women receive 50% of all scientific PhDs in the United States, only 30%, at best, of tenure-track professorships are filled by women. In the United Kingdom, as few as one in 20 professors in science, engineering, technology and maths are women.

These numbers pan out in my experience. Women are still outnumbered in the vast majority of university departments. I have seen women choose to remain childfree in order to focus (successfully) on their careers. Among those who do have children, there are students who cut their studies short and PhD candidates who opt to convert to Masteral programs instead. Factors that do help a woman’s decision to remain in the field include accessible child-care (or a stay-at-home dad), a supportive mentor and a partner who is willing to share household responsibilities. For students and post-docs, affordability of child-care is an additional consideration.

Successfully balancing the demands of the academe and family requires generous measures of efficiency, dedication and resourcefulness, as well as a flexible schedule. Consider this “crazy hours” routine given by one of the interviewees for the article:

Up at 5 in the morning to set up experiments, home for breakfast with the family, back to work until dinner and bedtime, then back to work until late in the night.

Whew.

And what of those who desire to stay at home for their children’s early years? There are very few work-from-home choices for those coming from a science background. Tutorial science lessons and editing manuscripts are the only things that come to mind. And what about bench skills? And keeping up with the fast-evolving advances in techniques and equipment? One of the things I knew I had to deal with, in making the decision to be a SAHM, is the rusting of laboratory skills accumulated painstakingly over the years. I can’t very well set up my own bench and perform experiments, unless I want the Feds knocking at the door.

There are signs, thankfully, that family-friendly policies addressing these issues are being given more attention. There are available programs, including part-time tenure-track options, that aim to prevent the loss of highly-trained women scientists from the academe. The article cites the following as examples:

NSF Advance
EMBO Long-Term Fellowship
HHMI Janelia Campus
Center of Excellence Women and Science
Daphne Jackson Trust
UK Resource Centre for Women in Science, Engineering and Technology

[Thanks to Ruth for sending me the article.]

More on Entertaining Baby

My friend Misis14 sent her coping strategies for entertaining her "bebe S", for example:

For toys, she gives bebe S their junk mail, yoghurt tubs, water jugs, photo albums and the all-time baby-favorite... a ball. She also uses laundry time as a learning opportunity, teaching her baby the difference between wet and dry clothes, and the different textures.

To quote her: babies/toddlers don't need expensive toys...only creative moms..;-)>
Thanks, Misis14!

The Seven Deadly Mom Stereotypes

This is a year old, but I thought I'd post it here anyway. For their 2004 Mother's Day campaign, Mothers and More came up with this list of the seven deadly stereotypes of mothers.

The Seven Deadly Stereotypes

Bon Bon Eating Mom
Stay at home moms don’t do anything all day but watch TV and eat bon bons. Stay at home moms are loving and nurturing but their brains are mush.

Career Crazed Mom
Working moms are selfish careerists who neglect their kids. Working moms are competent and intelligent but cold and uncaring.

Supermom
Supermom is the perfect nurturing mom - always attentive to the kids, doesn’t miss a school event, bakes the brownies from scratch – plus the Do it All Mom is the perfect professional career woman – always available for work, stays on the fast track and makes it to CEO - plus she has a perfect marriage, perfect sex life and perfect kids.

24/7 Bliss Mom
Good mothers love every minute of it, never feel ambivalent, never have a bad day, never yell at their kids, and are always smiling, relaxed and in control.

Martyr Mom
Good mothers always put their family’s interests ahead of their own. Good mothers do not have their own needs and interests, and do not seek their own fulfillment.

Glam Mom
Good mothers are glamorous; young, attractive, perfectly fit, designer dressed, perfectly coiffed - and so are their children.

Domestic Goddess Mom
Good mothers love to do housework, are obsessed with cleaning. Only mothers are capable of housework. Good mothers have a spotless house and do everything from scratch; home-cooked meals, perfect birthday parties, and crafts.

***
I was subjected to the stereotype of the Bon-Bon mom when I worked part-time. Somebody commented, "So you get to watch Dr. Phil all day". Why is it that, to some people, staying at home equates to having all the free time you want?

Have you ever encountered this kind of stereotyping?

Entertaining baby

One of the challenges about staying at home with a toddler is the question of entertainment and stimulation. In a daycare setting, lots of toys and other kids are available to provide interaction. When you're at home, you're the only playmate (unless you have other kids, which in my case, is not so) . My baby frequently wants to play with me or at least to be in the vicinity of my legs... whether it's the kitchen or laundry area, it doesn't matter. After all, unless we go to my ILs, I'm the only one he's with for the whole day. So, I'm challenged at times to come up with ways to keep him out of the kitchen cabinets, which seem to be a magnet for his curious mind.

Here are some ways I've coped:

• Give him those credit cards that come in the mail. They're plastic, have rounded edges, and can't go through a toilet paper roll. Let them serve some function by keeping him occupied. They're easy to slide around and can be stacked like a deck of cards.
• When we can't go outside, I open the patio door to let him see and hear outdoor sounds. If it's raining, it's even better. He can watch and listen to the rain falling on the deck, all the while staying safe and sound in his playpen. He even talks back to the pitter patter of the raindrops.
• Let him play with the big bottles that apple juice comes in. It's best of some juice is still left inside so he can shake it around.
• Give him a photo album with some photos in it. He thinks it's a regular book and is thrilled to see familiar faces.

Other than ply more toys and turn on the TV, what do you do to keep your baby occupied and happy?

Work vs. Stay-at-home

Kitty O'Callaghan of Parenting Magazine, in answering a reader's question about how to bridge the gap between a SAHM and her work-outside-the-home (WOTH) friends, comments:

Before long, you may start to view the grass as greener on the other side and see your own life's lawn as one big, boring patch of weeds.

It's human nature to try looking over the fence to see whether the other side IS indeed greener. Even though I'm sure that being a SAHM is what I want at this point in my life, there are times when I wonder whether my WOTH friends are having more fun, or feel more fulfilled, etc. Sometimes it's just a matter of wishing that I could have a better impact on the world. I mean, how could making sure a baby's bottom is clean and naps are enforced have a significant effect on how the world turns? Then I realize, it matters. To my baby. To my husband. To me. Though it may have occasional brambles, my life's lawn is not "one big, boring patch of weeds". It's a meadow of wild flowers, singing birds and happy hearts.

To read the full article and Kitty's tips, click here.

Home for 3 days

I havent' been out of the house for 3 days now, except to the yard to get some sun with my son. He wasn't feeling well yesterday and the weather hasn't been too nice. So I decided to just stay around, doing chores. I usually take my MIL to her workplace but this week I don't have chaffeur duties. There didn't seem to be much sense to go out for nothing.

Does blogging count as "adult interaction"?

How much should a SAHM be making?

Salary.com reports on what a stay-at-home mom would earn in a year, based on the job titles that best describe her responsibilities. The figure came to $131,471, including overtime.

While it's impossible to put a dollar figure on the value of the stay-at-home parent, it's gratifying to know that it is being recognized. It's a difficult job, one that has little, if any, material rewards, that requires significant sacrifice in terms of career development. Basically, the SAHM puts her professional life on hold. While part-time work may be available, the choices are very limited. In addition, since raising children and maintaining a home is already a full-time job, a SAHM who works part-time is actually doing 2 jobs, one of which requires her to be on-call 24/7.

I applaud the people at Salary.com who conducted the survey. As they themselves report, staying at home is a labor of love. We do not seek material compensation for what we do. Instead, our reward comes in the form of unlimited hugs and laughter throughout the day, the love and attachment of our children, and knowing that we are there when our children need us most.

Taking the plunge

I've always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. But I didn't know if I had what it takes. Will I do a good job of it? Can I handle unstructured days? What about loss of income? Is my self-esteem tied to holding a "proper job"? Will I regret it?

I took online quizzes that were supposed to help me determine whether I was cut out for this job. I knew what I wanted but there were so many things to consider and think about. There were no sure things. What if I didn't like being a SAHM? Could I come back to the work force successfully? If I left for a while, what if I got left behind by the advances of science? How could I keep up to date? Could I?

We already knew that we would be fine financially. The other issues were not so clear cut. It's one of those things that one will never know until one takes the plunge. But one thing eventually became clear to us. It was best for our son and our family. We didn't want him to grow up in a daycare setting. And although we have relatives who can take care of him during the day, it still would not be the best situation. Since we could give him the opportunity to have one parent stay at home to care for him, why deprive him of that chance?

The Beginning - A short history

I got my master's degree in Plant Breeding and Genetics and did research in molecular biology before I had my son, J. After my maternity leave, I went back to work part time in the same laboratory. Hubs and I decided then that we would wait and see how this arrangement would work for us. We eventually realized that it would be best for us if one parent stayed home. When J was 10 months old, I resigned from my job, after months of consideration.

Through this blog, I hope to chronicle my journey as a full-time mom and wife, with its challenges and rewards.