Managing Stress for the At-Home Parent

Stress. Though I'm at home, I still feel it. It's a different kind of stress from what I experienced in the working world. I don't have deadlines. No projects that simply have to succeed or else. No pressures from a boss or co-workers. But there are other things that could cause me to feel like I want to tear my hair out at times.

Melissa C. Stöppler, M.D., has some stress management tips for at-home parents. Some of these tips I've been doing already. Others, I probably need to work on some more.

Recognize that you have a full-time job, and be dressed and ready for your day early in the morning.

When I really think about it, I feel the enormity of this job. It's not "full-time". It's all the time. It's a 24/7, no vacation kind of job. But sometimes, I don't treat it that way. It's easy to submit to the mentality of being "only a SAHM". That's why everyday, I try (I really do!) to get dressed for it. Even though I may not always be able get in a shower before my kid's awake, I also don't go around in the clothes I slept in. No suits, yes, but no pajamas either. No ratty T-shirts. And I comb my hair and put on earrings.

Become an expert in multi-tasking...Practice good time management. Structure your day and plan for active times, regular meals, down times, and work times.

What stay-at-home parent doesn't multitask? There has to be some degree of it in order to get anything done. But I've also found that multitasking too much just increases my stress. There are times when I'm more relaxed if I concentrate on one thing at a time. My husband once told me that I think of too many things at once. Since then, I've tried to lessen the number of things I have going at any one time. Instead I set a specific time for an activity, so I know I don't have to scramble to do 5 things all at once.

Keep a calendar for your daily schedules, plans, outings, and errands.

I use a Franklin planner. I've received strange glances when I pulled it out at doctor's offices to write down appointments. It's as though those people wonder why in the world I need such a businesslike accessory when I'm a SAHM. Well, it keeps me organized (I've got lots of things to keep track of!) and yes, I admit, it helps me approach parenting like any other job.

Allow yourself some adult company every day.

I fall short of this. Of course, I've got my husband to talk to every day. But lately, I've been feeling the need to have more adult conversations. I'm looking forward to a mini-class at our local scrapbooking store this month. It's a start. :)

Finally, recognize that at-home parenting is a very real, demanding, and rewarding job complete with stresses like any other. Like all jobs, this one has better and worse days, things you love, and things you´d rather not deal with.

It's good to recognize that not all days are rosy and filled with laughter. At-home parenting is fun and fulfilling, but it's also stressful at times. We need to remember that that's normal too.

Graham Cracker Bear: A Portrait of My Life

I found this half-eaten graham cracker under the door to the basement. This is how my life has so changed. I never would have had this happen before. Now, I find it and I smile.

J has discovered the joy of hiding things. I never saw him slip this under the door. But there it is, evidence of where he's been and what he's been doing. I wonder what was going through his mind. He likes graham crackers, so why leave this particular one half-finished? He slips it under, thinks it's gone forever and goes on to the next interesting activity.

Meanwhile, I, his mom, go about my day, not knowing that there would be a little surprise for me right there.

It's only a graham cracker shaped like a bear. But I find joy and amusement in it. It's a portrait of my life now. How it has changed. How it's been blessed. How the most insignificant things forever become precious to me.

Nowhere to go

The other day, Hubby offered to watch our little boy so I could have some time out of the house. Yay! He often does that, since he realizes I do need a break every now and then. I did have a book to get from the library. After that... well, after that... I had nowhere to go. Rather sad, isn't it? A whole few hours to myself, and I couldn't think of a place to go.

Hubs always knows where to go, given the chance (the golf course, where else). I counted off my choices:
Mall - I wasn't in the mood to shop.
Grocery - Come on.
Library - I did go for a few minutes.
Park - I preferred one with lots of open spaces, but that one was too far away.
Scrapbook store - I didn't want to spend any money just then.
Friends - I can't just go and show up at their house on such short notice.

I miss the way people are in the old country. We could just go to our neighbors and friends, even without calling ahead. Great if they're there, fine if they're not.

Maybe I should join a mommy group. I don't know. I might if they accept drop-by anytime moms like me. ;) Or maybe I'm just growing roots here at home.

Feeling Pressure

We went to the pedia today, and after all the usual medical what-have-you's, our dear doctor's parting words to my little one were "See you in 6 months, and I hope you've gained some weight by then." You see, J's a little on the light side. He's only on the 20% percentile on the weight chart. I usually think this is just his natural body built. I wasn't a big baby myself (I'm actually happy for it).

I know he could be a picky eater, but he does eat. And he's very active, so maybe that's where it all goes. But I do feel anxious at times in thinking up what to feed him. He's got allergies so we can't just give him whatever. Being the primary cook at home, I'm the one who decides what he eats most of the time. I feel pressure occasionally ... to avoid food he's allergic to, to provide good wholesome nutrition within those constraints, and finally, to get him to eat well.

So hearing this from our doc just added a little bit more stress. I know he means well, and I really have a lot of respect and fondness for him. But I just felt like saying, "What do you think I've been trying to do?".

I know this feeling will pass. I know I'll keep trying to be creative in doing these things. I know J's going to be OK, as long as he's not getting sick or lethargic. I know someday, he'll be happy he wasn't a fat baby so he won't have to deal with weight issues so much.

But right now, I still feel the pressure.

Mom@Home Poll: Stay-at-home or work-from-home?

Which of the following are you?
	Work-at-home
	Stay-at-home with no plans of working from home
	Stay-at-home with plans of working from home
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Some SAHMs are not WAHMs

A couple of my recent posts are about writing opportunities that SAHMs might want to take advantage of. Obviously, this is a topic that is quite close to my heart. I have secret dreams of becoming a writer. Or can't you guess? ;)

But I got to thinking about the SAHMs who are not planning to be WAHMs. Not all of us are plotting ways to run a career from home. For some, taking care of the kids, hubby and home IS the career. I don't blame them. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing to myself. Blogging, emailing, surfing the net, and scrapbooking take a significant chunk of time. Time I could spend sleeping.

I wonder what the percentage is of WAHMs among SAHMs. I think I'll create a poll in my next entry.

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo)

I've previously blogged about tips on writing for kids and an ongoing contest in Today's Parent. Here's somthing else that just might get the writers among us that big break. Ever heard about NaNoWriMo? It stands for "National Novel Writing Month", which is November this year.

It's a rather wacky idea at first glance, but it's grown by leaps and bounds since its inception. The goal of NaNoWriMo, which began in 1999, is for people to write a 50,000-word novel in one month. They say that having a deadline really energizes some to finally write that "someday" novel. Some people just find it a fun thing to do. I'm sure lots of outrageous story lines have come from the pens of the thousands of participants.

Yep, thousands. They expect 55,000 people to join up this year. Not all of these participants will meet the 50,000-word goal, obviously. But some will. Last year, out of 42,000 novelists, almost 6000 made it. Winners get web icons and bragging rights.

And what happens when the novel is written? Well, it's up to you. The movement emphasizes quantity. The quality of your work is yours to ensure. A couple of participants did go on to have their novels published. For real.

It's a fun event, at any rate. You can sign up now for an email reminder when the registration begins. I've asked to be reminded. Who knows what may happen when I start typing away that elusive first novel!

When: Sign-ups begin October 1, 2005. Writing begins November 1.

A SAHM sleeps

J had a bad night. He's teething. His upper molars are already out, and now it's time for the lower ones. He woke up at 1:30 a.m., just when hubs and I were already burrowed deep under the sheets. You know how these nightwakings go. You're warm and cozy, happy to be abed, eyelids closing, fuzzy thoughts getting mixed up in your brain. Then a cry blasts from the baby monitor, and your eyes snap wide open. Groan. Is he going to go back to sleep on his own, or do I need to get up?

Last night, he really needed help falling asleep again. Up I went, and it was almost 3 a.m. before I regained my own slumber.

Groggy as I was this morning, I had to resist having coffee. True, it would have perked me up but I was looking forward to my nap... er, his nap. Ah, the blessings of being a SAHM. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Isn't that what they always say? I'm only doing what the sages suggest.

So, I'm alert now, instead of irritatingly sleep-deprived. Happy I am, to be a SAHM who sleeps.

Replacements for the Things I Miss

1. Morning cuddles everyday
2. Hearing "Mo-mmy" all day long
3. Planning the day around naps
4. Wonder in simple things
5. Getting fed cheerios one at a time
6. Tiny but really tight hugs
7. "Tomorrow is another day"
8. Sweet baby smells
9. Cool breakthroughs in toddler learning
10. The privilege of teaching my son

In the face of these replacements, I find that I don't really miss those other things all that much. There is just no comparison. :)

Things I Don't Miss

1. Driving early in the morning in the middle of winter
2. Having to bring lunch to work
3. Pressure to make a protocol succeed
4. C14 and P32
5. Packed lunch rooms
6. Taxes
7. Deadlines
8. The smell of chloroform
9. Slogging through unintelligible journal articles
10. Teaching indifferent students

Things I Miss

1. Driving in the early morning sunshine, with a place to go to everyday
2. Lunch dates with co-workers
3. Planning a strategy to make a protocol work
4. Liquid nitrogen
5. Birthday cake in the lunch room
6. A salary
7. Having a project with a definite beginning and end
8. The smell of a molecular biology lab
9. Cool breakthroughs in cell wall science
10. Teaching students some interesting stuff

Do you want to write a children's book?

I've read somewhere that a majority of women secretly want to be published authors. I can't quote any statistics on this but I'm inclined to agree. I mean, who wouldn't want to see her name on a book placed prominently in the local Barnes and Noble? Or to sign books for queues of fans? Wouldn't it be nice to just lounge in your vacation home by the beach while your bestseller makes money for you? Or go to the premiere of your book-turned-movie? Maybe Julia Roberts will even play the lead role and share her Oscar with you.

Well, OK, so maybe getting published doesn't automatically guarantee a fantastically glamorous lifestyle. And, of course, getting something written in the first place takes tons of work and creativity. But still, the dream lives on for many, including this writer. For those of us who want to write a children's book, Paulette Bourgeois, award-winning author, has a few tips to share. She covers topics such as how to get started, whether training is needed or not, and what makes a good story for children's books.

Today's Parent, where the article appears, also has a Stories for Kids Contest. Send in your story before October 31, 2005, and your dream may just come true!

Now, I really have to get crackin' at that book...