Mom@Home

The Longest Wait

2006-04-13T21:41:00.000-04:00

Now I know what they mean about "feeling like being pregnant forever". That's how I feel right now. The due date has come and gone, and no baby yet. I've had people, OBs included, tell me weeks ago that the baby will definitely arrive way before the due. Even I felt that way. Well, we've all been proven wrong.

It just goes to show that there's really no way to tell for sure when a baby is ready to make his or her appearance. He'll come when he's ready. Meanwhile his mommy is past the antsy stage, and has moved on to feeling that she can be pregnant for a month more and not care. Really, I'm so used to being pregnant at this point that I can't imagine not being pregnant. But it has to end somehow. Soon.

Now Blogging at 55fiction!

2006-04-07T13:57:00.000-04:00

I'm happy to announce a new creative endeavor at b5media! Presenting 55fiction, a blog where "fragments of imagination are captured in 55 words". Along with 6 other b5 bloggers, I'll be writing fiction - with all the requisite elements of setting, characters, conflict and resolution - in no more than 55 words.

If you have no idea what I mean, here's one of my recent stories:

Midnight Writer
Up in his room in the attic, he stared at the blank page before him. No words came to him. For three hours, the silence was broken only by the tinkling of the whiskey bottles he drank from. Then at the stroke of midnight, he began to write drunkenly.

His name was Edgar Allan Poe.

I love writing these little snippets. The ideas for the stories come to me when my mind would usually be idle, such as while washing the dishes or while putting the baby to sleep. More than it being just a mental exercise, it's a lot of fun!

We are also accepting submissions from our readers. So if you have a 55-word story or would like to try your hand at writing one, visit us at 55fiction.

Hope to see you there!

Websites for Finding Part-time or Freelancing Work

2006-04-03T18:06:00.000-04:00

Two online resources for finding part-time or freelancing work are www.ifreelance.com and www.Mommysavers.com.

Ifreelance is a job source board where you can match your specific skills and training with available opportunities.

“While many people looking for part-time opportunities may not consider themselves as freelancers our infrastructure of matching skilled professionals with real projects may be just what they are seeking,” explains Kyle Tinsley, president of iFreelance.com. “With a resource such as our site (www.iFreelance.com), professionals can find work that utilizes their skills and fits their schedules.”

Mommysavers.com has career tips and suggestions for those who want to work from their homes.

The site is dedicated to helping parents make the most of their time and money and was started by Kimberly Danger in April 2000 while she was home on maternity leave. In a section for work-at-home moms, the site offers profiles of successful business owners, provides numerous job ideas and offers many helpful articles on starting a business.

I haven't had the chance to get a job using any of these sites, so I can't tell you my experience in that regard. I just thought I'd post these here in case they'll be helpful to someone. If you have any experience with these sites, negative or positive, I'd sure like to hear about it!

via PRWeb

Mom@Home Wants to Move

2006-03-31T11:37:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking of moving this blog somewhere else. While Blogger is easy to use, I kind of like Wordpress. I've also seen a number of nice blogs on Typepad. So I'm dilly-dallying on whether to move this to a different site. I could also move this over to the b5 servers as my personal blog, but that would mean buying my own domain. It's not too expensive, but I don't want to spend until I have at least a reliable source of blogging moolah. Which means, no spending on blogging until I'm earning a fair amount from pro-blogging. It's part of the "financial independence" viewpoint, you know.

I could also just tweak this template, play around with it. Improve it. Lots of things I could do with it. I just need to get to it.

Some Thoughts Today

2006-03-29T22:16:00.000-05:00

I've been blogging for almost a year now. Sometimes, I find I'm not as much of an avid blogger as some. I run out of words, or maybe it's just the introvert in me taking over. Face to face, I'm not one to say much about myself. I listen mostly. My oldest friend is the talker between us. Likewise between my hubby and me.

These days, my mind is filled with baby thoughts. I'm impatient as well as patient. I patiently wait for the birth of my second child, choosing to let nature take its course rather than force it to follow mine. At the same time, I impatiently wait for the day when I can have my time as I want it to be. I'm impatient for the newborn months to be over before they even start. I have so many things I want to do, yet I know they have to take a backseat to what's primary in my life right now.

And what is that primary object? To nurture my children while they are young. To not let my other pursuits steal my time from them. I don't look at child-rearing as something that holds me back. It is my time with them, before I have to share them with the world. Some of that world has been knocking on our door already, as my firstborn spends time with other kids while Mommy goes to renew and refresh herself.

Other people are getting the chance to take care of him. And I love that. I'm proud for him to be seen and known as I know him. And yet, a tug in my heart shows me a picture of the future, when he will have other bonds that I have no part of.

I hope that my planned pursuits, professional and otherwise, will wait for me, when I will have the time and space to delve into them once more.

Jolie as Stay-at-Home Mom?

2006-01-25T22:51:00.000-05:00

Angelina Jolie apparently is contemplating leaving her career to stay at home once her baby (with Brad Pitt) arrives.

Mom-to-be Angelina Jolie has vowed to put maternal duties before her career when she gives birth to Brad Pitt's child later this year.

Angelina Jolie, who already has two adopted children, son Maddox, 4, and daughter Zahara, 10 months, confirmed she and Pitt are expecting a child earlier this month.

No wonder Angelina Jolie plans to be the major influence in her newborn's life.

"I won't get a nanny to do all the hard work," Angelina Jolie was quoted as saying.

Why not, hey? She's a strong-willed lady, and can deal with all the dirty work of hands-on mommying (aka endless diapers, spit-ups, etc.).

via Fashion Monitor Toronto

Online Resource for Stay-at-Home Dads

2005-12-28T00:39:00.000-05:00

Slowlane.com is for dads, specifically stay-at-home dads.

The Slowlane.com site provides dads with a searchable collection of articles and media clips written by, for, and about primary care-giving fathers. It also hosts multiple web sites for at home dads, including independent SAHD groups and several local Dad-to-Dad chapters, all of whose missions are to help dads connect with each other in their local areas.

Check the site here.

Childcare an Issue in Ireland Elections

2005-12-26T10:37:00.000-05:00

The issue of quality childcare and support for stay-at-home parents has apparently become more prominent in the political arena, at least in Ireland.

Parents rate childcare in the top three issues driving their voting intentions in the next general election.

The findings are remarkable in that working parents struggling to meet childcare costs recognise that stay-at-home parents are equally in need of financial support. In all, 84% of households where both parents work favour a State payment to stay-at-home parents.

Likewise, nine out of 10 households where at least one parent is at home believe the Government should provide tax relief to working parents who pay for childcare.

Winds of change may be on the way for Irish stay-at-home parents.

More statistics from the same study:

A paltry one-in-four women return to full-time work once they have a family. The majority of new mothers opt to become full-time parents or work reduced hours. Full-time parenting is seen as the ideal childcare arrangement by the majority.

[Source: Irish Examiner]

Suggestions for Getting Your Career Back

2005-12-23T10:29:00.000-05:00

It's hard to go back to work after 5 or more years of being at home with kids. But it's not impossible.

Here are some suggestions for getting your career back on track. Some of these preparations can be done even while you're at home.

* Develop specific, portable and more saleable skills, such as accounting, marketing or brand management.

* Identify the best part of your existing or previous position and explore new career options built around it. "The ideal is to develop a position that offers full-time hours and a schedule that meshes with raising your child."

* Start your own business. Many SAHMs prefer this route as it gives them flexibility their hours and occupation.

* Pick a hot occupation. But remember that "an ever-changing work-arena that sparks demand for certain skill sets can cool just as quickly and render entire occupational fields obsolete."

All these strategies won't eliminate the lasting price mothers pay in diminished income and advancement for choosing to stay at home but they may reduce those losses or lead to a new career.

[Source: Cape Argus]

How Do You Do It?

2005-12-17T20:49:00.000-05:00

To the moms out there who have things figured out, how do you do it?

If you hold a job, look after 2 kids, volunteer in at least one organization, regularly spend time with a hobby, and manage to keep an organized household, while still spending quality time with your husband, how do you do it?

If you are a stay-at-home parent, take care of 3 kids, have hot meals 3 times a day, keep your sink clear of dishes, work out regularly, see your friends once a week, and get 8 hours of sleep every day, while managing to teach your kids how to read, how do you do it?

My own mom may not believe this, but I have not worked so endlessly as I do now. And yet, there's always something that's left undone. I feel inefficient. Unorganized. Overrun with an endless to-do list. I am on-call 24 hours a day, even on weekends. Weekends? My weeks don't ever seem to end. And yet, everyday seems to be a workday Monday.

Maybe I need to streamline my methods or give up some things. I've got lots to learn about the business of being a SAHM.

How Safe Are Blogs?

2005-11-23T23:37:00.000-05:00

There was a short discussion at one of my email groups about the safety of putting up personal pictures, particularly of children, on the web. There's a whole range of opinions about this. Some find it perfectly fine, while others will never put their children's photos or names online.

Whenever I go blog-hopping, I find a lot of mommy blogs with photos and names of their children posted along with their daily activities. Some even have their surnames on their blogs, or make them easy to find simply by clicking on links. The same goes for geographical location, and even birthdays.

I don't know how safe current practices on personal blogs are. On one hand, there are millions of blogs and the chances of anyone using information on them for wicked ends is practically nil. On the other hand, we know the warnings parents should give their children about online behavior, such as not giving out personal information and photos to people they don't know. What makes blogging so different?

I'd just like to throw these questions out there, and see what people think. Feel free to leave your comment.

Indoor Entertainment

2005-11-18T20:15:00.000-05:00

We had our first snow this week. Something good to be said of snow is that it provides entertainment, even for those indoors. My son spent a fair bit of time watching the flakes drift slowly down. I set up some graham crackers and juice on the table beside him... so he can snack during his "movie". I was able to get chores done without him constantly asking to help.

On Money and Power Issues

2005-11-17T21:47:00.000-05:00

In her article, "A Couple's Guide to Managing Money", Suze Orman (Yahoo! Finance) touched on money and power issues as they pertain to stay-at-home moms.

Among the "money vows" that she advises marrying couples to take is "No matter who earns what, we will equally share all money decisions."

The most damaging dynamic I see so often is when one partner makes a lot more than the other and on that basis is allowed to, or expected to, make all the couple's money decisions...

This happens all the time with stay-at-home moms. They think that they have to defer to the wage-earner in the family... You both should be equally engaged in all of the decisions.

I'm grateful that I do not feel such power issues emanating from a lack of income. My hubby and I have always been equal partners, and that hasn't changed when I became a SAHM. True, the apprehension on my part was there at the beginning but months later, that has been settled. It would still be nice to have my own income in some way, but I don't feel that it's because of having to defer to my husband's decision about expenses. While we don't discuss minor purchases such as groceries (which I buy 90% of the time anyway), we've always made large items a joint decision.

Suze Orman also says that:

... it is crucial for the stay-at-home parent to have a steady paycheck; by that I mean there should be a set amount automatically deposited on a weekly or monthly basis into a checking account for the stay-at-home parent. That way the stay-at-home parent is not put in the powerless position of having to constantly ask the wage-earning partner for money.

While I see her point about the powerless position of having to ask for money, it may not be totally necessary to have money deposited physically to a bank account for the SAHP. Having a portion of the family budget set aside for the SAHP's spending discretion should be enough. I, for example, buy supplies for my hobby without having to ask permission. It's just understood that that is part of our family expenses, just as my husband spends on his own hobby. He never questions my shopping in this regard and even occasionally urges me to shop at the craft store. Of course, it helps that we are on the same page when it comes to spending.

Having to relinquish an equal position in the family because of a lack of income may lead to a loss of self-respect among SAHMs. It shouldn't be so. The income-earning partner will also play a part in this. But it is the SAHP's who should watch out that they do not relinquish their position unknowingly. Income or no income, marriage and raising a family should be a partnership.

Source: Yahoo Finance, Sept. 22, 2005
Image from: Freeimages.com
Thanks to hubby for sending me the article. :)

Celebrity Stay-at-Home Moms

2005-11-14T20:39:00.000-05:00

I've no plans of making this blog into a celebrity-watching venue, but since this recently came into the news...

Katie Holmes is bowing out of a Dennis Quaid film and intends to be a stay-at-home mom once her baby arrives. Julia Roberts has been lying low, with only the occasional public appearance, since the birth of her twins.

I wonder how many celebrity SAHMs there are. How many eventually revive their careers? Well, these folks can certainly afford not working for a while, more than the average mom can. But I just wonder...

Spreading Myself Too Thin?

2005-11-11T21:27:00.000-05:00

In addition to this blog (which I'm determined to update more frequently now), my problog and my personal blog, I'm also considering 2 more blog topics. I haven't done anything about these last 2 yet, just toying with the idea. I think I'll have fun writing about these. Of course, there's the possibility of also earning from them and truly jump starting a new career for myself.

What's been keeping me back is a fear that I might spread myself too thin if I take on 2 more blogs. Between my commitments to my current blogs, tinkering with templates in my as-of-now stagnant personal blog, reading other blogs (and networks) and checking emails, I've found that I'm spending quite a bit of time in front of the computer screen.

While the possibilities and fun factor are very enticing, I didn't resign my lab job to spend hours at the keyboard instead. I tell myself that my primary job is and should be taking care of my family and home. I'm afraid that if I take on these new blogs, they will take chunks of my time. Time that my family and home need me for.

Finding My Niche

2005-11-10T11:36:00.000-05:00

When I was working in the lab, I knew exactly what was expected of me. I knew what I was going to do tomorrow, next week, next month, and to some degree, next year. I knew the tools I would use, the protocols I would read, the output I was looking for.

In contrast, these past months of being a SAHM have been a bit of a whirlwind of sorts. My first goals after resigning my job was to get into a rhythm at home, find my own schedule for doing things, and settle any doubts I may have had about the decision we made. After that, there was a time when I got tired of endless chores, and wanted to regain a bit of that "outside world" identity. But what was I to do? I couldn't go back to the lab, and I didn't really want to.

Then came blogging. I started simply because a lot of my online friends had blogs, and I thought it was a cool thing. I put up my personal blog, but I soon realized I'm not much of a chatterbox when it came to everyday events in my own and my family's life. I was (still am) reluctant to share details of our life with total strangers. OK, I admit it, I'm a little scared of the nuts and weirdos out there (Who knows what they'll do with the information they get from personal blogs?). That may be a bit paranoid, but still... Maybe I'm just a private person, that's all. But at any rate, the entries on my personal blog petered out.

And then I was introduced to niche blogging. Hey, I could do this, I thought. Long and short of the story is, I believe I've found a little niche I could fill in this world, with the comfort and flexibility of staying at home. Hosting both this blog and AboutWeblog's Housekeeping and Homemaking Blog has given my writing some purpose. It's a minor identity, to be sure, but it's a part of me. I have something to say, and I'm glad for the chance to say it.

How to Live on a Single Income

2005-11-09T16:05:00.000-05:00

Let's face it, one of the major (if not THE major) factors in deciding whether one parent stays at home or not is the feasibility of the family being able to survive on a single income.

Sharon Epperson, MSNBC's finance adviser, discusses "How your family can live on a single income" on MSNBC's Weekend Today. She gives the example of a couple who prepared for the mom to stay at home 3 years before the birth of their first child. Yes, three years. Even though she worked for those three years, they saved her income all that time. So when the time came for her to stay at home, they didn't miss it at all. That's a bit extreme, for some, maybe. But, in addition to being used to having only one income, they gave themselves a substantial emergency reserve.

Ms. Epperson gives the following three steps to find out if your family can do with only one income:

1. Tally expenses
2. Reduce costs
3. Transition slowly.

Read her article here.

***
Think you really can't afford to stay at home, no matter what the experts say? Christina Baglivi Tinglof of Parents.com writes:

If you think full-time parenting is just for families with lots of money, think again. In every neighborhood, in all socioeconomic groups, you'll find households where one parent works while the other stays home with the kids. So how come they can do it and you can't?

Read her article, "You Can Afford to Stay at Home" for more specific ways to make the transition.

Hear It from a Stay-at-Home Dad

2005-11-08T20:40:00.000-05:00

We've said it before, and we'll say it again. Even in our educated society, saying that you're a stay-at-home-mom is still sometimes met with negative reactions. There are still people who think it's equivalent to saying you're lazy.

From the Daily Nebraskan:

Regardless of how many women share the aspiration, society has a generally negative attitude toward stay-at-home mothering, often stereotyping it as an excuse to shop, sleep in and watch soap operas, said junior accounting major Georgia McCormick, echoing a thought expressed by several women interviewed.

McCormick protested the stereotype as being inaccurate.

“People think they stay at home to go shopping or do whatever they want,” she said, “but I look at my mom, and she’s always running, running, running, doing something … People don’t really realize how much they really have to do.”

If people think like this about SAHM's, I wonder what they'd say about stay-at-home dads. Dan Nielsen, guest columnist for the News Tribune (Tacoma, WA) and primary caregiver to two young kids, tells of the kind of responses that he gets. Good for him though, that the "most common" response he gets is "one of genuine interest and open support". In the article, he shares some of the challenges he faces in taking care of 2 little girls. He has found ways to accept his role and, in fact, to revel in it, as his secret fondness for his minivan and his jogging stroller reveals.

From the News Tribune:

It’s not considered very macho to push kids around in a stroller, but this is no ordinary pram. It has a full rain cover and suspension system, and converts to a bicycle trailer.

And if I ever take up cross-country skiing, I can buy the adapter kit to mount skis on it and pull it behind me. It’s the kind of stroller James Bond would have if he ever became a stay-at-home dad.

Stay-at-home dads? They're a good thing!

Read Mark Coddington's article "Students express desire to be stay-at-home moms here. And Dan Nielsen's "You’ve got to get around to be a stay-at-home dad" here.

Sources: The Daily Nebraskan, Nov. 8, 2005; The News Tribune, Nov. 8, 2005

My ProBlog is on the Move!

2005-11-07T23:14:00.000-05:00

The Housekeeping and Homemaking Blog, which I write for the AboutWeblogs network, will be moving to a new home soon... along with the rest of the blogs on the network! AboutWeblogs and b5media are merging (see the official press release here).

I'm truly excited by this development in my "blogging career" (Ha! What's that?!?, you say). b5 is a great network to be in, both looking at the blogs they have in place and the people who run them. Shai Coggins, owner of AboutWeblogs, has been a wonderful network manager and I'm grateful for the opportunity she gave me when she first signed me on. There are more good things to come, I'm sure!

Read the announcements at AboutWeblogs and b5media.

A Waste of a Life?

2005-11-04T20:26:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about whether I should write about this. But I decided to go ahead and share with you an eye-opening mini-event in my blogging life.

I got my first comment from a troll, right here on this blog. It arrived a few nights ago. Quite unpleasant, really. I deleted it. But I realized that there are a lot of insights I could share as a result of that anonymous reader stopping by. So I'm sharing that comment here in this entry.

The reader described me as a "waste of a human being", and then that he/she pities my children.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel bad about getting this comment. My emotions were of disbelief, amusement, resolution and then joy.

I could not believe that someone out there takes the trouble to leave comments like this. What could that person be so angry about?

A waste of a human being? I don't think so. My life is full. My work is important. I left the career world, but I didn't leave behind the brains that got me through graduate school and the pursuit of scientific knowledge. I am not wasting away at home. I am investing my time and efforts in lives. Few jobs could offer me the same satisfaction.

Staying at home has allowed me to discover, and nurture, talents and interests that have been swallowed up by previous pursuits. Instead of being or becoming a waste, I would think that my "human being"-ness is richer by far.

Pity my children? I look at my son, and see a happy childhood filled with love, security, and constancy. Pity my children?!? Pity other children who do not have what he has.

I was amused at the sheer inappropriateness of this comment. Frankly, I think that person left it at the wrong blog.

I felt even more resolved that we made the right decision for me to be a SAHM. And then joy when I realized how much I believe in the value of who I am and what I'm doing.

A waste of a life? Far from it.

A full life. A life of value and significance, for now and the future. That's what I have.

Lucy Cavendish: Desperate Housewives?

2005-11-01T20:53:00.000-05:00

Lucy Cavendish, writer for The Independent, tells about the shift in her attitude towards being a stay-at-home mom. Exposed to feminist thinking from a young age, she never thought she'd give up her career to care for her family, at a time when such a choice was looked upon with horror. However, she describes her experience as a full-time career woman, wife and mother as a disaster.

I barely saw my children... The cupboard was bare, the house was cold and unloved. I felt more tired than I ever have been... I made packed lunches at 11pm. I barely spoke to my partner. At work, I sneakily called plumbers and electricians. Yet I seemed to achieve nothing, either at work or at home.

She's still a feminist but she defines it differently now:

I think women are redefining things. Working hard, being successful and beating men at their own game now seems tiring and boring and, at the end of the day, not necessarily fulfilling. It's much more fun to have freedom: the freedom to be at home, to play with the kids, to walk a dog, to make my own decisions about my life.

If I had daughters, I'd give them the books to read that my mother gave me. I would encourage them to see that they have choices, and that those choices are not between a man's world or a woman's world, or between going to work or staying at home, but the chance to do whatever it is they feel they want to do. And if it's a duster that does it for them, hey, so be it.

As more and more women make the choice to stay at home for their families, we may be seeing a change in society's acceptance of the decisions they made.

Cavendish mentions the following books in her article:
Backlash by Susan Faludi*
Happy Housewives by Darla Shine*

Source: The Independent Online Edition
* affiliate links

Mom@Home Quote of the Week: A Mother's Thoughts

2005-11-01T15:51:00.000-05:00

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

- Sophia Loren

Source: quotations.about.com

Hearts-at-Home

2005-10-31T15:33:00.000-05:00

The Hearts-at-Home Organization recently had a big conference in the Great Lakes Region. Guess what? I missed it. I only found about it after the fact, when it was featured in our local paper. I would have gone, if I knew about it sooner.

The organization's goal is to encourage, educate, and equip women "in the profession of motherhood". I'm mighty curious about this last part. They seek to professionalize motherhood. How exactly does one do that? I don't think it's enough to give us SAHMs fancy titles such as "Chief Domestic Officer" or "Executive Home Manager". There's got to be much more than that. I've never been comfortable giving myself these fancy job titles anyhow. I'm a mom. A stay-at-home mom. There is no shame in it that it needs to be hidden behind long-winded job descriptions.

But I don't think this is simply what Hearts-at-Home does. They don't gloss over the reality that a stay-at-home mom, well, stays at home. But they want women to realize that it's a career choice, a professional undertaking. Read the excerpt from their website:

We know that being a mom is a wonderfully rewarding job. Seeing those first steps, snuggling on the couch in the afternoon, catching the excitement when they come home from school are just some of the benefits of being home. We also know, though, that being home can be a lonely job. It can also be a thankless job. And in our society today it is not often considered a "real" job.

Hearts at Home desires to change that. We want moms to understand their God-given value and the important role they play in society. We also want to give them a much-deserved pat on the back. Most of all, we want moms to think of being home as a career choice. Our desire is to professionalize mothering!

They have another conference in a couple of weeks, in Minnesota. And they have a few more next year to watch out for!

Toddlerspeak

2005-10-26T23:54:00.000-04:00

At a year-and-a-half, J has built up his vocabulary quite welll. As of last count, he knows more than 100 words. For most of them, only those who interact with him often can understand what he's saying. It's amusing to discover how he interprets the words he hears.

Here are his versions of some (English) words:

bear - 'bey'
lion - 'lahlin'
penguin - 'gengwin'
tiger - 'tahygoo'
bird - 'bood'
Elmo - 'mo'
Ernie - 'ehneeh'
Bert - 'boot'
airplane - 'peyn'
JayJay the jetplane - 'dey dey peyn'
Sully - 'lali'
open the door - 'open dol'
blue - 'boo'
red - 'ed'
Blue's Clues - 'kloo kloo'
Geppetto - 'peeto'
Pinocchio - 'kyo'
Stromboli - 'bobi'
flower - 'fafoo'
castle - 'kakoo'
crackers - 'kakoos'
Quasimodo - 'quackin dodo'
the end - 'ee en'

Mom@Home Quote of the Week: The Bravest Battle

2005-10-25T16:31:00.000-04:00

"The bravest battle that ever was fought;
Shall I tell you where and when?
On the maps of the world you will find it not;
It was fought by the mothers of men."

Joaquin Miller (pseudonym of Cincinnatus Hiner Miller)

Source: http://www.worldofquotes.com

Encouraging Play

2005-10-21T22:53:00.000-04:00

I had this pre-motherhood idea that kids instinctively know how to play. Give them some blocks and they'll know that they're supposed to stack it. Cars are for rolling around and bears are for hugging.

I'm realizing that, among the many things kids need to be taught, they need to be shown how to play. Specifically, how to play with specific items. In addition to saying that it's play time, I've had to get down on the floor with my son numerous times to show him what exactly he can do with his toys.

For example, he has a set of Tiny Tuff cars with ramps that have to be assembled. I realize he doesn't yet have the capacity to assemble it by himself. But even after assembly is complete and in order to encourage him to play, I've had to show him that he can roll the cars up and down the ramps. Afterwards, he's usually happy to play by himself.

In a daycare setting, this type of interaction between a child and a caregiver is not particularly necessary to encourage play time. Kids learn mostly by the examples of other kids. For stay-at-home parents, we are the examples for everything, including playing.

Maybe this is why some kids prefer to plop in front of the TV than to play with their toys. Is it possible that they simply don't know what to do with toy cars, wagons and blocks? Encouraging them to explore and use their imagination takes some awareness and effort. Let's show our kids how to have fun!

When Tiredness Overwhelms Me

2005-10-19T22:01:00.000-04:00

I've had a bout of fatigue last weekend. Physical. Emotional. Intellectual. I was tired. Tired of doing laundry. Tired of cooking. Tired of cleaning out the bathrooms. Tired of being by myself. Tired of brain cell death.

I bawled my eyes out to my hubby. I complained. I whined. Then I slept by myself in the extra room. Fitfully, then restfully.

Sweet hubby left me alone to recover. Then gave me a vacation of a weekend. He cooked. Cleaned. Took over completely. I vegged out. I did the minimum that I could. Deliberately. I was on STRIKE.

Until Monday.

Monday was a transition day. It was a day to get my groove back. This is my job. But I get tired of it occasionally. Like career women, I too need a vacation. We're all taking one, soon.

It's a high-stress, highly-demanding career, being a stay-at-home parent. Did I know it was going to be like this? No. I thought I'd sail along, fit the shoes perfectly, and never feel grouchy about all the things I left behind.

Do I regret it? No. It's tiring, frustrating, downright irritating at times. But it's a job that fills my heart with warmth and joy like no other can. That's it. That's my reward. Hours of fun, of playing peek-a-boo, of hiding and watching while a little person goes around calling "Mommy? Where? Where?", of getting a huge smile and a diving hug when I come out of hiding. Laughter. Hugs. Spontaneous kisses. Thank you's for spoonfuls of pudding.

It's a roller-coaster ride. I'd get on it all over again.

Re-establishing Outside Contacts

2005-09-23T22:49:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all who replied to my posts about my recently-felt need to get out of the house more. I'm glad for the encouragement. :) While I have not yet attended a scientific talk (can't seem to get a sked right now), I've already taken some steps to meet people I'm not related to. :)

I attended a mini-class in scrapbooking. It was just a one-hour presentation by a representative of a scrapbooking company. But at the end of it, I realized that, while I was there, not for a minute did I think about my toddler or my home. Isn't that great? What a refreshing break that turned out to be! Included in the class fee were a 12x12 kit for our class plus some more freebies from the company. So I got to take home some neat stuff to play with. It was also good to be among adults. Strangers, yes. But who cares? We were all there for a common reason. I didn't get to chat much with the others, but simply being there was good for my psyche.

That instance of being able to "go outside" encouraged me to do it more. Yesterday, I volunteered to help out at the university Study Abroad fair. My presence was not expected... I just appeared at the booth for the Philippine exchange program. But it was not less welcome. I was able to meet a new graduate student and strengthen ties with people I've met before. I almost didn't go, since it was raining hard, and thunderstorms were the forecast for our area. But I'm glad I did.

Making an effort to go outside the home sometimes really takes an effort. It's easier to stay at home, where everything we need to take care of our business is readily available. If we decide to go out sans baby, we have to pack the baby bag, arrange for someone to watch our kid/s, and so on. Sometimes, it can be a downright hassle. I've found that the effort is worth it, to go on little solo excursions that are not errands. I love being a stay-at-home mom. I just can't stay at home all day. Taking things easy and one-at-a-time seemed to be the way to go for me. Instead of forcing myself to go out just to be out, I found meaningful activities that I enjoyed.

I've some more activities lined up over the next two months or so. A women's health and fitness expo. Probably another scrapbooking class. And yes, I'll pursue that once-in-a-while scientific seminar, too.

:)

I Miss Whiteboards

2005-09-05T11:48:00.000-04:00

I was watching TV earlier today, and a commercial came on. I forget what it's for but there was a guy talking and pointing at diagrams drawn on a whiteboard. And this feeling of nostalgia suddenly hit me. I miss whiteboards. I miss the environment they're found in. Squeaky dry-erase markers. Fully air-conditioned conference rooms. Cushy chairs around a long table. Low-pile carpeting. Meetings with a purpose.

My longing for intellectual exercise is stronger than I previously thought. I'm trying to think of the options I have. I could probably sit in at one of the weekly talks that go on at one of the plant science departments. I could take a class too, I suppose.

I'm already thinking of the logistics I'll need to take care of to attend a talk regularly. Parking. Prepping dinner ahead of time. Will it be too weird to show up where my former bosses and colleagues will also be present? Would they think I'm planning to back to work soon? I can say I only want to keep abreast of developments so as not to fall too far behind, which isn't a bad idea anyway. Or just admit I miss them. ;) Some of them might actually be reading this (maybe you'll see me at a talk one of these days, or not :) ).

Maybe I should just get out of my chair and do it, huh?

Restless mind

2005-09-03T17:58:00.000-04:00

My brain feels like cotton right now. From lack of sleep? Too much sleep (I just woke up from a much-needed nap)? Lack of intellectual stimulation? Being in a rut?

It's been 9 months since I resigned from my job. It's not too long ago. But it seems long ago. I think I'm reaching that stage of settling down. Gone is the novelty of staying at home. I'm starting to miss working. Not everything about working per se, but specifically the exercise of the mind that an "outside job" requires. Talking to a variety of people throughout the day. Being out there.

I'm not bored physically. There's a lot to occupy my hands. It's just my mind that's jumpy. My brain cells are itching to stretch and tingle, as though they've been lying dormant for far too long.

I've tried to keep my mind occupied. Scrapbooking is my creative outlet. I'm reading Tolstoy's "War and Peace". But there's something about the scientific and academic world that's uniquely stimulating to me. When I was working, I've struggled at times to read journal articles, but it's kept my mind striving to keep up.

I think I'll take out my genetics books and read them again. Lynch and Walsh's "Genetics and Analysis of Quantitative Traits" should wake my brain up. That will make some interesting leisure reading.

Managing Stress for the At-Home Parent

2005-08-31T22:21:00.000-04:00

Stress. Though I'm at home, I still feel it. It's a different kind of stress from what I experienced in the working world. I don't have deadlines. No projects that simply have to succeed or else. No pressures from a boss or co-workers. But there are other things that could cause me to feel like I want to tear my hair out at times.

Melissa C. Stöppler, M.D., has some stress management tips for at-home parents. Some of these tips I've been doing already. Others, I probably need to work on some more.

Recognize that you have a full-time job, and be dressed and ready for your day early in the morning.

When I really think about it, I feel the enormity of this job. It's not "full-time". It's all the time. It's a 24/7, no vacation kind of job. But sometimes, I don't treat it that way. It's easy to submit to the mentality of being "only a SAHM". That's why everyday, I try (I really do!) to get dressed for it. Even though I may not always be able get in a shower before my kid's awake, I also don't go around in the clothes I slept in. No suits, yes, but no pajamas either. No ratty T-shirts. And I comb my hair and put on earrings.

Become an expert in multi-tasking...Practice good time management. Structure your day and plan for active times, regular meals, down times, and work times.

What stay-at-home parent doesn't multitask? There has to be some degree of it in order to get anything done. But I've also found that multitasking too much just increases my stress. There are times when I'm more relaxed if I concentrate on one thing at a time. My husband once told me that I think of too many things at once. Since then, I've tried to lessen the number of things I have going at any one time. Instead I set a specific time for an activity, so I know I don't have to scramble to do 5 things all at once.

Keep a calendar for your daily schedules, plans, outings, and errands.

I use a Franklin planner. I've received strange glances when I pulled it out at doctor's offices to write down appointments. It's as though those people wonder why in the world I need such a businesslike accessory when I'm a SAHM. Well, it keeps me organized (I've got lots of things to keep track of!) and yes, I admit, it helps me approach parenting like any other job.

Allow yourself some adult company every day.

I fall short of this. Of course, I've got my husband to talk to every day. But lately, I've been feeling the need to have more adult conversations. I'm looking forward to a mini-class at our local scrapbooking store this month. It's a start. :)

Finally, recognize that at-home parenting is a very real, demanding, and rewarding job complete with stresses like any other. Like all jobs, this one has better and worse days, things you love, and things you´d rather not deal with.

It's good to recognize that not all days are rosy and filled with laughter. At-home parenting is fun and fulfilling, but it's also stressful at times. We need to remember that that's normal too.

Graham Cracker Bear: A Portrait of My Life

2005-08-22T15:51:00.000-04:00

I found this half-eaten graham cracker under the door to the basement. This is how my life has so changed. I never would have had this happen before. Now, I find it and I smile.

J has discovered the joy of hiding things. I never saw him slip this under the door. But there it is, evidence of where he's been and what he's been doing. I wonder what was going through his mind. He likes graham crackers, so why leave this particular one half-finished? He slips it under, thinks it's gone forever and goes on to the next interesting activity.

Meanwhile, I, his mom, go about my day, not knowing that there would be a little surprise for me right there.

It's only a graham cracker shaped like a bear. But I find joy and amusement in it. It's a portrait of my life now. How it has changed. How it's been blessed. How the most insignificant things forever become precious to me.

Nowhere to go

2005-08-19T15:02:00.000-04:00

The other day, Hubby offered to watch our little boy so I could have some time out of the house. Yay! He often does that, since he realizes I do need a break every now and then. I did have a book to get from the library. After that... well, after that... I had nowhere to go. Rather sad, isn't it? A whole few hours to myself, and I couldn't think of a place to go.

Hubs always knows where to go, given the chance (the golf course, where else). I counted off my choices:
Mall - I wasn't in the mood to shop.
Grocery - Come on.
Library - I did go for a few minutes.
Park - I preferred one with lots of open spaces, but that one was too far away.
Scrapbook store - I didn't want to spend any money just then.
Friends - I can't just go and show up at their house on such short notice.

I miss the way people are in the old country. We could just go to our neighbors and friends, even without calling ahead. Great if they're there, fine if they're not.

Maybe I should join a mommy group. I don't know. I might if they accept drop-by anytime moms like me. ;) Or maybe I'm just growing roots here at home.

Feeling Pressure

2005-08-15T23:00:00.000-04:00

We went to the pedia today, and after all the usual medical what-have-you's, our dear doctor's parting words to my little one were "See you in 6 months, and I hope you've gained some weight by then." You see, J's a little on the light side. He's only on the 20% percentile on the weight chart. I usually think this is just his natural body built. I wasn't a big baby myself (I'm actually happy for it).

I know he could be a picky eater, but he does eat. And he's very active, so maybe that's where it all goes. But I do feel anxious at times in thinking up what to feed him. He's got allergies so we can't just give him whatever. Being the primary cook at home, I'm the one who decides what he eats most of the time. I feel pressure occasionally ... to avoid food he's allergic to, to provide good wholesome nutrition within those constraints, and finally, to get him to eat well.

So hearing this from our doc just added a little bit more stress. I know he means well, and I really have a lot of respect and fondness for him. But I just felt like saying, "What do you think I've been trying to do?".

I know this feeling will pass. I know I'll keep trying to be creative in doing these things. I know J's going to be OK, as long as he's not getting sick or lethargic. I know someday, he'll be happy he wasn't a fat baby so he won't have to deal with weight issues so much.

But right now, I still feel the pressure.

Mom@Home Poll: Stay-at-home or work-from-home?

2005-08-12T23:17:00.000-04:00

Some SAHMs are not WAHMs

2005-08-12T22:44:00.000-04:00

A couple of my recent posts are about writing opportunities that SAHMs might want to take advantage of. Obviously, this is a topic that is quite close to my heart. I have secret dreams of becoming a writer. Or can't you guess? ;)

But I got to thinking about the SAHMs who are not planning to be WAHMs. Not all of us are plotting ways to run a career from home. For some, taking care of the kids, hubby and home IS the career. I don't blame them. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing to myself. Blogging, emailing, surfing the net, and scrapbooking take a significant chunk of time. Time I could spend sleeping.

I wonder what the percentage is of WAHMs among SAHMs. I think I'll create a poll in my next entry.

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo)

2005-08-11T22:27:00.000-04:00

I've previously blogged about tips on writing for kids and an ongoing contest in Today's Parent. Here's somthing else that just might get the writers among us that big break. Ever heard about NaNoWriMo? It stands for "National Novel Writing Month", which is November this year.

It's a rather wacky idea at first glance, but it's grown by leaps and bounds since its inception. The goal of NaNoWriMo, which began in 1999, is for people to write a 50,000-word novel in one month. They say that having a deadline really energizes some to finally write that "someday" novel. Some people just find it a fun thing to do. I'm sure lots of outrageous story lines have come from the pens of the thousands of participants.

Yep, thousands. They expect 55,000 people to join up this year. Not all of these participants will meet the 50,000-word goal, obviously. But some will. Last year, out of 42,000 novelists, almost 6000 made it. Winners get web icons and bragging rights.

And what happens when the novel is written? Well, it's up to you. The movement emphasizes quantity. The quality of your work is yours to ensure. A couple of participants did go on to have their novels published. For real.

It's a fun event, at any rate. You can sign up now for an email reminder when the registration begins. I've asked to be reminded. Who knows what may happen when I start typing away that elusive first novel!

When: Sign-ups begin October 1, 2005. Writing begins November 1.

A SAHM sleeps

2005-08-10T19:54:00.000-04:00

J had a bad night. He's teething. His upper molars are already out, and now it's time for the lower ones. He woke up at 1:30 a.m., just when hubs and I were already burrowed deep under the sheets. You know how these nightwakings go. You're warm and cozy, happy to be abed, eyelids closing, fuzzy thoughts getting mixed up in your brain. Then a cry blasts from the baby monitor, and your eyes snap wide open. Groan. Is he going to go back to sleep on his own, or do I need to get up?

Last night, he really needed help falling asleep again. Up I went, and it was almost 3 a.m. before I regained my own slumber.

Groggy as I was this morning, I had to resist having coffee. True, it would have perked me up but I was looking forward to my nap... er, his nap. Ah, the blessings of being a SAHM. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Isn't that what they always say? I'm only doing what the sages suggest.

So, I'm alert now, instead of irritatingly sleep-deprived. Happy I am, to be a SAHM who sleeps.

Replacements for the Things I Miss

2005-08-10T00:17:00.000-04:00

1. Morning cuddles everyday
2. Hearing "Mo-mmy" all day long
3. Planning the day around naps
4. Wonder in simple things
5. Getting fed cheerios one at a time
6. Tiny but really tight hugs
7. "Tomorrow is another day"
8. Sweet baby smells
9. Cool breakthroughs in toddler learning
10. The privilege of teaching my son

In the face of these replacements, I find that I don't really miss those other things all that much. There is just no comparison. :)

Things I Don't Miss

2005-08-09T09:55:00.000-04:00

1. Driving early in the morning in the middle of winter
2. Having to bring lunch to work
3. Pressure to make a protocol succeed
4. C14 and P32
5. Packed lunch rooms
6. Taxes
7. Deadlines
8. The smell of chloroform
9. Slogging through unintelligible journal articles
10. Teaching indifferent students

Things I Miss

2005-08-08T23:14:00.000-04:00

1. Driving in the early morning sunshine, with a place to go to everyday
2. Lunch dates with co-workers
3. Planning a strategy to make a protocol work
4. Liquid nitrogen
5. Birthday cake in the lunch room
6. A salary
7. Having a project with a definite beginning and end
8. The smell of a molecular biology lab
9. Cool breakthroughs in cell wall science
10. Teaching students some interesting stuff

Do you want to write a children's book?

2005-08-04T15:18:00.000-04:00

I've read somewhere that a majority of women secretly want to be published authors. I can't quote any statistics on this but I'm inclined to agree. I mean, who wouldn't want to see her name on a book placed prominently in the local Barnes and Noble? Or to sign books for queues of fans? Wouldn't it be nice to just lounge in your vacation home by the beach while your bestseller makes money for you? Or go to the premiere of your book-turned-movie? Maybe Julia Roberts will even play the lead role and share her Oscar with you.

Well, OK, so maybe getting published doesn't automatically guarantee a fantastically glamorous lifestyle. And, of course, getting something written in the first place takes tons of work and creativity. But still, the dream lives on for many, including this writer. For those of us who want to write a children's book, Paulette Bourgeois, award-winning author, has a few tips to share. She covers topics such as how to get started, whether training is needed or not, and what makes a good story for children's books.

Today's Parent, where the article appears, also has a Stories for Kids Contest. Send in your story before October 31, 2005, and your dream may just come true!

Now, I really have to get crackin' at that book...

Back and Missing My Mom

2005-07-29T14:42:00.000-04:00

I'm back! It's nice to have internet access at home again. I had to catch up with a LOT of emails and stuff. I'm getting there, slowly and surely.

As I'm writing this, my mom is nearing the end of a loooong flight back to the home country. She left my house more than 24 hours ago, and, due to plane delays, still has to set foot on her own home. I just wish for the trip to be over, because I can imagine how tired she must be.

My son and I came back from the airport yesterday, and the house seemed much quieter than usual. No sewing machine running in the extra room. Just me and my son again until hubby comes home from work. I realized how much I'm missing, being so far away from my parents. Ma and I had lots of bonding time over morning bagels and coffee. We also enjoyed each other's hobbies... I was even able to infect her with the scrapbooking bug! :D

I will miss having lunch with her. Some people told me before that having my mom here would mean that I'll be able to enjoy homemade meals "just like mom used to make". Actually, I really enjoyed the chance to cook for her. And I would dare to say that she's given her seal of approval in that department, which means a lot to me. Hers is the standard I've set long ago for my own cooking.

For a while, there were two moms at home here. It's been a wonderful time, not just for me, but for my hubby and our son as well. My mom has recharged me with her love and warmth. I already miss her, but I know she'll be back, long flight not withstanding. Right, Ma? ;)

Mommy's Day-Off

2005-07-13T15:03:00.000-04:00

I stay at home. Do I need a day off? Isn't everyday nowadays a day off?

I answer "Yes" to the first one, and "No" to the second. Well, let me digress. I don't need an entire day off. I wonder what I would do if given one anyway. If I didn't have a whole day event to go to, an entire day away is more than I need. But a couple of hours off every once in a while is not just a luxury. It's necessary for my peace of being. I don't have to do anything special. Simply buying groceries or window-shopping by myself is a wonderful break. What refreshes is simply being outside without having to be constantly vigilant lest my son eat whatever little piece of paper he gets his hands on.

My online SAHM friends are always happy to report when they get an entire day to pursue their own interests. Are they bad mommies? Nope, definitely not. We all need to take care of ourselves, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, so that we can give our best to our families.

Right now, as you've probably guessed, I'm having a little time off. I'm writing this blog in the local library. Our home computer crashed, so it's given me an excuse to hie off while my mom stays with my sleeping son. ;) It's one of life's little luxuries. :)

Be a SAHM in 6 Months

2005-07-06T23:05:00.000-04:00

Want to be a SAHM but don't know how to go about it?

The ideas in Scott Danger's "A 6 Month Stay-at-Home Mom Plan" might help you start planning the transition. Although for most cases, 6 months may not be enough to complete all the steps in the plan, it's a good guide to the decision-making process. Scott focuses on the financial aspect of the decision, since this seems to be the primary deterrent for many families. The first step of his plan is determining that being a SAHM is what you and your spouse really want. The rest of the steps involve budget issues, finding supplemental income as needed, and finally, making the change.

This plan is more of a general guideline. Specific areas such as how to find that supplemental income are not discussed. However, it is a good outline to follow toward one's goal of being a SAHM (or SAHD).

If you’re looking for an easy answer to staying at home, this isn’t it. But if you’re willing to work hard and make some trade-offs, staying home with your kids can become a reality.

My article is up!

2005-07-02T22:31:00.000-04:00

I'm so happy to announce that an article I wrote for PinoyExpats.org is now up and running! PinoyExpats is an e-zine for Filipinos residing outside the Philippines. Their current issue is dedicated to parenting. In my article ("Changing Careers: How I decided to be a SAHM"), I detail the factors that I considered when I made the momentous decision. It's my first full-length article online, so I'm tickled pink. :)

The editors also picked this blog as their featured site for this issue. Cool beans! Click here to see their main page.

Motherhood and Personal Identity

2005-06-24T22:40:00.000-04:00

An article by Tina Games-Evans was posted in one of my email groups, and, I must say I was practically bowled over by the author's insights. Games-Evans just hit the nail on the head. I felt as if she's been reading my mind. The article, "Finding Your Personal Identity as a Mom", presents issues related to the transition to motherhood and its effect on a woman's identity. These issues are particularly significant for a SAHM.

Making the Transition to Motherhood
Games-Evans quotes Gail Kauranen Jones:

“A typical adult transition takes between one and three years before one fully assimilates a new identity."

I knew the transition to motherhood is a big one. But I now realize that I might have been putting too much pressure on myself to adjust to the role. In our hurry-up world, nine months of pregnancy and more than a year of having the baby around should be enough time to adjust. Maybe some women take to motherhood like fish to the water. But I've realized that I'm still adjusting. Throw in the change from working gal to SAHM, and the pot gets really mixed up.

The mothers that came before me seem to be more patient, more loving, wiser. I once asked a much older mom if patience was something she had from the beginning or whether she simply learned it. Can I hope to someday have the patience that she possesses? I have to remind myself that, of course, they are more patient. They've had more years of practice. Someday, when I'm much older, younger moms will look up to me for guidance and I will have words of wisdom to impart (I hope).

Discovering Our Own Worth
Gale-Evans writes:

Gail McMeekin, who began her career as a family therapist, has counseled many mothers struggling with issues such as mine related to personal identity. As a career and creativity coach, she has worked with moms who have experienced the challenges of adjusting to “life after baby.” These challenges include loss of self-esteem, confidence, social support, and validation.

and...

Jones reminds us, “There are no standards for what makes ‘a good mother’ and it is impossible to be ‘on’ all the time... Mothers have their own unique worth outside of parenting, and each woman should take the time to discover their own worth, independent of their children.”

A mom who maintains some of her pre-baby interests makes a happier mother. We cannot be cooking and cleaning and watching over the baby ALL THE TIME. We need to recharge ourselves. We need to let go of the stereotypes of what makes a good mother. I need to work on my scrapbooks once in a while. It refreshes me. Even if I don't finish a page in one sitting (I rarely do these days), I come away with a clearer and more relaxed mind. So, even if I have to stay up late once in a while, it's lost sleep that's worth it.

Dealing with Resentment

Right after my son’s second birthday, I found myself secretly resenting my husband’s career. It was hard for me to watch him being recognized and paid for a job well done. It was especially painful when there was no one there to validate the work I was doing as a mother.

Sounds familiar? While I don't resent my husband's career (I'm very thankful for him and what he does), I do feel the need for some validation of what I do in the home. The downside of not having a boss and a paycheck is not having an "external validation". Moms don't get a letter of commendation for consistently making sure that meals are ready. A SAHM, especially, may feel that her work is invisible (Who notices that the floors are swept?), routine, and insignificant. We all need a pat in the back once in while. So, to all you SAHMs (and SAHDs, for that matter) out there: You're doing a superb job!

Getting Support from Other Moms

“Mothers should look for support from like-minded others,” says Jones, adding that just because someone is a mother does not mean that she shares your values. “It is better to have one good ‘mother’ friend who you are in sync with than several acquaintances who just happen to have children the same age as yours.”

I've been thinking about the benefits of having a support group I can meet with, but I haven't done anything concrete about this. Most of the "like-minded others", SAHMs who share my interests, are people I've met online. Hey, they ARE my support group! So what if we can't meet over coffee? I wouldn't trade them for any other.

Games-Evans ends the article with these notes from McMeekin:

"Most of all, stay connected to your personal strengths and power, and be sure to take time for yourself away from the family.”

That I will! :D

(Thanks to RM for sending the article.)

Dino Digging at the 4H Garden

2005-06-23T15:47:00.000-04:00

I took my son, my mom and my MIL to a horticultural garden this morning. The Children's 4H Garden was filled with little tykes and their moms who were there for a university-sponsored activity. My son was too young to participate in the Dino Digs, but he enjoyed being with the bigger kids. I asked one of the moms there if the kids were part of a playgroup and she said no. They all just went there to let their kids take part in the activities. My little boy would have fun doing things like this when he's a little bigger so I signed up to receive information on future activities at the garden.

On another note, I wondered to myself if all the moms I saw were SAHMs. I know at least one of them was, since she used to be in the department I graduated from. I saw one dad. Maybe he's a SAHD. I don't know. But I got to thinking about whether to meet up with other SAHMs. I know there are support groups for SAHMs. I haven't really felt the need for such, although it would be nice to compare notes once in a while. My husband has relatives in the area who could provide additional adult conversation for me, if I ever needed it. But sometimes, I think it would be nice to connect with other SAHMs who have the same interests as I do.

SAHMs want to work

2005-06-20T20:38:00.000-04:00

When a mom contemplates being a SAHM, it seems that a common question that comes up is what to do... for additional income, in her spare time, to keep from getting bored. As if there's not enough to do in taking care of the kids, the hubby and the home, we still have to add to our daily activities. It's all for various reasons. Self-fulfillment. To feel productive. To contribute financially.

These reasons are all valid. We all need to find and do those things that fulfill us as persons and make us happy. It's so common that when you google the term "stay-at-home mom", a lot of the hits are about work from home opportunities. When I made the decision to be a SAHM, I also thought about the work options that remained available to me. The ideal choice was indeed something that allowed me to work from home, keep my own hours, and be on leave for family vacations and sick days whenever I needed to be.

I know of a number of SAHMs who've found their niches. Setting up a home or internet business. Taking consulting work. Finishing a degree by correspondence. These are all options that are available. The trick seems to be to identify those gifts and talents that a SAHM can offer at her own terms, and then to find an avenue for them.

Putting Structure to My Week

2005-06-15T22:53:00.000-04:00

I do groceries on Monday.

I used to run out to the 24/7 one-stop shopping center whenever we ran out of too many things or to drop off rolls of film. And then again, to get the developed pictures.

Now, I schedule shopping as a once-a-week errand. It saves both gas and time. To help me manage, I've started to use a printable grocery list. I keep at least one copy of it (dated with the next shopping day) on the refrigerator. I just check off or write whatever I need to buy. Hubs now knows to get his items in there too, so that I won't forget them.

I picked Monday cause that's when the grocery's stocks get replenished. And I like that it's sort of an "official" start to the week... getting all our needed supplies gives a good "We're ready" feeling.

I also stopped hopping to the car for short lists of stuff or to get photos. If we've survived without them for six days, they can wait until the next Monday.

Maybe I'll schedule laundry days next.

Mothers of Invention

2005-06-10T22:42:00.000-04:00

Cheryl Rosenberg Neubert (KRT News Service) wrote an article featuring mom inventors who have succeeded in developing and marketing their own products. These SAHMs/WAHMs saw specific needs and took it upon themselves to fill them. Not satisfied with what's available, Paula Duhn, Leianne Messina-Brown and Tamara Monosoff invented their own products.

Duhn, of Santa Ana, California, invented the Stay-Put bib (a bib that stays put through a feeding!), and sells it from her website, www.byamom.com.

Messina-Brown's invention is called the Gourmet Tote. It's a spill-proof food carrier that keeps foods hot or cold. It won an award for the best product in the Gourmet Gifts and Special Foods Category at the Gourmet Products Show 2004. The website is www.gourmettote.com.

Monosoff, of Walnut Creek, California, developed the TP Saver, a device that "prevents toilet paper from being pulled off the roll by inquisitive toddlers". She also set up www.mominventors.com to help other women inventors. The TP Saver is available at the website.

I was excited to read about these resourceful women. Not that I have my own invention to develop, but hey, that's possible someday. These mom inventors and others like them are a great encouragement!

Read the article as it appeared at the Lansing State Journal.

My Yo-yo Baby

2005-05-28T22:16:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I sit on the floor and just let my son walk hither and yon around me. At 15 months, he's walking really well and seems to enjoy every minute of it. One of his favorite destinations in our home is the side panel on our front door where he can look out at the world outside. Back and forth, he would go. To the door to peer out for a few seconds, his nose and hands flat on the glass. Then back again to me, for a hug, a smile or simply to touch base. It reminds me of a time many years ago.

I was at a friend's house. She had 2 sons, the youngest being 4 years old at that time. As we talked, her little son came in from playing, said "Mama", gave her a hug and went off again to his adventures as fast as his legs could carry him. And I remember saying, "How wonderful to be a mom just like that someday".

That "someday" is now today. I have my very own yoyo baby. I am my son's safe haven. He may get interested in the workings of the world outside but always he returns to me. I know it will not last long, as his wanderings will take him further and further away. But for now, he returns, for a warm hug and a smile, even as his tiny steps waggle this way and that. And my arms will always be open to welcome him from his adventures at the front door.

Blogging mommy

2005-05-24T13:23:00.000-04:00

When I told my friends about my blogs, a couple of them made a comment that they're about motherhood issues. On one hand, there's nothing wrong with that. On the other, it struck close to a fear I will confess to as a SAHM... that of losing myself to motherhood. Whereas I used to be a "graduate student", "teacher", "research assistant", even "lab rat", am I now "just a mommy"?

I'm aware of the risk of losing my identity other than as someone's mom or wife. So I try to do other things not related to providing meals and clean clothes all day. I read a variety of books. I keep up with current events worldwide. I scrapbook. I blog. But somehow, that may all still get lost in that one overriding identity. MOMMY. And a stay-at-home mommy at that. Although I will not trade what I now have to get back those other "titles", I know I still have to get completely comfortable in this new role.

Maybe I need to blog about something else? But I don't really want to. I have another passion, which I'll write about someday. But for now, a blogging mommy is what I'll happily be.

Glossary

2005-05-23T23:20:00.000-04:00

I now have a site glossary, which my dear hubby suggested to help readers keep track of the acronyms I sometimes use in my post. It's located on the right-side panel, after the Google ads. It will be updated as needed.

The grass is greener, or is it?

2005-05-23T22:54:00.000-04:00

I had to laugh when I read this article by Kristi Gustafson in the Casper Star Tribune. The title of the article is "Working moms, stay-at-home moms envy each other". It was like an answer to what I wrote in a previous post, about SAHM's wondering whether WOTH moms have it better, and vice versa. Apparently, there are a lot of similarities:

Experts say the stresses of motherhood are further complicated by a common belief among women that other mothers are better off financially, have well-behaved children, stronger marriages and look more put together. But they are more alike than they may think.

As I said before, it's human nature. Frankly, I'm a little relieved that I'm not the only one who doesn't have it all "put together", stay-at-home or not.

Check out my new blogs!

2005-05-20T22:33:00.000-04:00

I have a new blog that went live on the internet just this week. Say hello to The Housekeeping and Homemaking Blog! This blog chronicles my hunt for the best tips, advice, and resources on housekeeping and homemaking.

I also contribute to The Kids' Books, Toys and Things Blog. It is a group blog that brings you reviews and recommendations on childrens' books, toys and things.

These blogs are part of Aboutweblogs.com, a network that offers "personal views, tips, news, reviews and other resources about different niche topics. Our focus is on passions, personal growth and lifestyles". Other topics on the network include scrapbooking, stamping, making money online, Asian food, genetics and public health, freelance writing, jewelry making, and more!

I look forward to having you visit me there!

Career Issues: Science and Motherhood

2005-05-20T13:00:00.000-04:00

Ruth sent me this article written by Virginia Gewin for Nature discussing the effect of motherhood on a woman’s career in science. Coming from a scientific background myself, I can concur with the points Ms. Gewin raised. I have seen and experienced the choices women in the academe have to make between career development and childbearing. Some telling statistics:

...in the United States most women sacrifice the career. Although women receive 50% of all scientific PhDs in the United States, only 30%, at best, of tenure-track professorships are filled by women. In the United Kingdom, as few as one in 20 professors in science, engineering, technology and maths are women.

These numbers pan out in my experience. Women are still outnumbered in the vast majority of university departments. I have seen women choose to remain childfree in order to focus (successfully) on their careers. Among those who do have children, there are students who cut their studies short and PhD candidates who opt to convert to Masteral programs instead. Factors that do help a woman’s decision to remain in the field include accessible child-care (or a stay-at-home dad), a supportive mentor and a partner who is willing to share household responsibilities. For students and post-docs, affordability of child-care is an additional consideration.

Successfully balancing the demands of the academe and family requires generous measures of efficiency, dedication and resourcefulness, as well as a flexible schedule. Consider this “crazy hours” routine given by one of the interviewees for the article:

Up at 5 in the morning to set up experiments, home for breakfast with the family, back to work until dinner and bedtime, then back to work until late in the night.

Whew.

And what of those who desire to stay at home for their children’s early years? There are very few work-from-home choices for those coming from a science background. Tutorial science lessons and editing manuscripts are the only things that come to mind. And what about bench skills? And keeping up with the fast-evolving advances in techniques and equipment? One of the things I knew I had to deal with, in making the decision to be a SAHM, is the rusting of laboratory skills accumulated painstakingly over the years. I can’t very well set up my own bench and perform experiments, unless I want the Feds knocking at the door.

There are signs, thankfully, that family-friendly policies addressing these issues are being given more attention. There are available programs, including part-time tenure-track options, that aim to prevent the loss of highly-trained women scientists from the academe. The article cites the following as examples:

NSF Advance
EMBO Long-Term Fellowship
HHMI Janelia Campus
Center of Excellence Women and Science
Daphne Jackson Trust
UK Resource Centre for Women in Science, Engineering and Technology

[Thanks to Ruth for sending me the article.]

More on Entertaining Baby

2005-05-17T23:19:00.000-04:00

My friend Misis14 sent her coping strategies for entertaining her "bebe S", for example:

For toys, she gives bebe S their junk mail, yoghurt tubs, water jugs, photo albums and the all-time baby-favorite... a ball. She also uses laundry time as a learning opportunity, teaching her baby the difference between wet and dry clothes, and the different textures.

To quote her: babies/toddlers don't need expensive toys...only creative moms..;-)>
Thanks, Misis14!

The Seven Deadly Mom Stereotypes

2005-05-13T16:22:00.000-04:00

This is a year old, but I thought I'd post it here anyway. For their 2004 Mother's Day campaign, Mothers and More came up with this list of the seven deadly stereotypes of mothers.

The Seven Deadly Stereotypes

Bon Bon Eating Mom
Stay at home moms don’t do anything all day but watch TV and eat bon bons. Stay at home moms are loving and nurturing but their brains are mush.

Career Crazed Mom
Working moms are selfish careerists who neglect their kids. Working moms are competent and intelligent but cold and uncaring.

Supermom
Supermom is the perfect nurturing mom - always attentive to the kids, doesn’t miss a school event, bakes the brownies from scratch – plus the Do it All Mom is the perfect professional career woman – always available for work, stays on the fast track and makes it to CEO - plus she has a perfect marriage, perfect sex life and perfect kids.

24/7 Bliss Mom
Good mothers love every minute of it, never feel ambivalent, never have a bad day, never yell at their kids, and are always smiling, relaxed and in control.

Martyr Mom
Good mothers always put their family’s interests ahead of their own. Good mothers do not have their own needs and interests, and do not seek their own fulfillment.

Glam Mom
Good mothers are glamorous; young, attractive, perfectly fit, designer dressed, perfectly coiffed - and so are their children.

Domestic Goddess Mom
Good mothers love to do housework, are obsessed with cleaning. Only mothers are capable of housework. Good mothers have a spotless house and do everything from scratch; home-cooked meals, perfect birthday parties, and crafts.

***
I was subjected to the stereotype of the Bon-Bon mom when I worked part-time. Somebody commented, "So you get to watch Dr. Phil all day". Why is it that, to some people, staying at home equates to having all the free time you want?

Have you ever encountered this kind of stereotyping?

Entertaining baby

2005-05-11T13:13:00.000-04:00

One of the challenges about staying at home with a toddler is the question of entertainment and stimulation. In a daycare setting, lots of toys and other kids are available to provide interaction. When you're at home, you're the only playmate (unless you have other kids, which in my case, is not so) . My baby frequently wants to play with me or at least to be in the vicinity of my legs... whether it's the kitchen or laundry area, it doesn't matter. After all, unless we go to my ILs, I'm the only one he's with for the whole day. So, I'm challenged at times to come up with ways to keep him out of the kitchen cabinets, which seem to be a magnet for his curious mind.

Here are some ways I've coped:

Give him those credit cards that come in the mail. They're plastic, have rounded edges, and can't go through a toilet paper roll. Let them serve some function by keeping him occupied. They're easy to slide around and can be stacked like a deck of cards.
When we can't go outside, I open the patio door to let him see and hear outdoor sounds. If it's raining, it's even better. He can watch and listen to the rain falling on the deck, all the while staying safe and sound in his playpen. He even talks back to the pitter patter of the raindrops.
Let him play with the big bottles that apple juice comes in. It's best of some juice is still left inside so he can shake it around.
Give him a photo album with some photos in it. He thinks it's a regular book and is thrilled to see familiar faces.

Other than ply more toys and turn on the TV, what do you do to keep your baby occupied and happy?

Work vs. Stay-at-home

2005-05-07T13:22:00.000-04:00

Kitty O'Callaghan of Parenting Magazine, in answering a reader's question about how to bridge the gap between a SAHM and her work-outside-the-home (WOTH) friends, comments:
Before long, you may start to view the grass as greener on the other side and see your own life's lawn as one big, boring patch of weeds.

It's human nature to try looking over the fence to see whether the other side IS indeed greener. Even though I'm sure that being a SAHM is what I want at this point in my life, there are times when I wonder whether my WOTH friends are having more fun, or feel more fulfilled, etc. Sometimes it's just a matter of wishing that I could have a better impact on the world. I mean, how could making sure a baby's bottom is clean and naps are enforced have a significant effect on how the world turns? Then I realize, it matters. To my baby. To my husband. To me. Though it may have occasional brambles, my life's lawn is not "one big, boring patch of weeds". It's a meadow of wild flowers, singing birds and happy hearts.

To read the full article and Kitty's tips, click here.

Home for 3 days

2005-05-05T20:00:00.000-04:00

I havent' been out of the house for 3 days now, except to the yard to get some sun with my son. He wasn't feeling well yesterday and the weather hasn't been too nice. So I decided to just stay around, doing chores. I usually take my MIL to her workplace but this week I don't have chaffeur duties. There didn't seem to be much sense to go out for nothing.

Does blogging count as "adult interaction"?

How much should a SAHM be making?

2005-05-03T16:22:00.000-04:00

Salary.com reports on what a stay-at-home mom would earn in a year, based on the job titles that best describe her responsibilities. The figure came to $131,471, including overtime.

While it's impossible to put a dollar figure on the value of the stay-at-home parent, it's gratifying to know that it is being recognized. It's a difficult job, one that has little, if any, material rewards, that requires significant sacrifice in terms of career development. Basically, the SAHM puts her professional life on hold. While part-time work may be available, the choices are very limited. In addition, since raising children and maintaining a home is already a full-time job, a SAHM who works part-time is actually doing 2 jobs, one of which requires her to be on-call 24/7.

I applaud the people at Salary.com who conducted the survey. As they themselves report, staying at home is a labor of love. We do not seek material compensation for what we do. Instead, our reward comes in the form of unlimited hugs and laughter throughout the day, the love and attachment of our children, and knowing that we are there when our children need us most.

Taking the plunge

2005-05-02T22:41:00.000-04:00

I've always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. But I didn't know if I had what it takes. Will I do a good job of it? Can I handle unstructured days? What about loss of income? Is my self-esteem tied to holding a "proper job"? Will I regret it?

I took online quizzes that were supposed to help me determine whether I was cut out for this job. I knew what I wanted but there were so many things to consider and think about. There were no sure things. What if I didn't like being a SAHM? Could I come back to the work force successfully? If I left for a while, what if I got left behind by the advances of science? How could I keep up to date? Could I?

We already knew that we would be fine financially. The other issues were not so clear cut. It's one of those things that one will never know until one takes the plunge. But one thing eventually became clear to us. It was best for our son and our family. We didn't want him to grow up in a daycare setting. And although we have relatives who can take care of him during the day, it still would not be the best situation. Since we could give him the opportunity to have one parent stay at home to care for him, why deprive him of that chance?

The Beginning - A short history

2005-05-02T20:02:00.000-04:00

I got my master's degree in Plant Breeding and Genetics and did research in molecular biology before I had my son, J. After my maternity leave, I went back to work part time in the same laboratory. Hubs and I decided then that we would wait and see how this arrangement would work for us. We eventually realized that it would be best for us if one parent stayed home. When J was 10 months old, I resigned from my job, after months of consideration.

Through this blog, I hope to chronicle my journey as a full-time mom and wife, with its challenges and rewards.

Which of the following are you?
	Work-at-home
	Stay-at-home with no plans of working from home
	Stay-at-home with plans of working from home

Free polls from Pollhost.com